Friday Funny

Horse Sales Terminology Translated:

BIG TROT: can't canter within a two mile straight-away.    
NICELY STARTED:  lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet.
TOP SHOW HORSE:  won a reserve champion 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to tornado warnings.
HOME BRED:  knows nothing despite being raised on the back porch.
BIG BONED:  good thing he has a mane and tail, or he would be mistaken for a cow.
NO VICES:  especially when he wears his muzzle.
BOLD:  runaway.
GOOD MOVER:  runaway.
ATHLETIC:  runaway.
NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER:  runaway.
SHOULD MATURE OVER 16 HANDS:  currently 14 hands, dam is 14.2, sire is 15.3 hands, every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 16 hands, but *this* horse will defy his DNA and grow.
WELL MANNERED:  hasn't stepped on, run over, bit, or kicked anyone for a week.
PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED:  hasn't stepped on, run over, bit, or kicked anyone for a month.
RECENTLY VETTED:  someone else found something really wrong with this horse.
TO GOOD HOME ONLY:  not really for sale unless you can
       1) Pay twice what he is worth
       2) Are willing to sign a 10 page legal document to allow current owner to tuck him in beddy-bye every night.
EXCELLENT DISPOSITION:  never been out of the stall.
CLIPS, HAULS, LOADS:  clippity clippity is the sound of his hooves make as he hauls butt across the parking lot when you try to load him.
FOR SALE DUE TO LACK OF TIME:  rider cannot afford to spend anymore time in the hospital.
QUIET:  dead (almost).
SPIRITED:  psychotic.
WELL BRED:  mother and father are also brother and sister!
COLOR IS BLACK:  brown and/or dirty.
ANY VET CHECK WELCOME:  Please pay for us to find out what the !@#$ is wrong with him!
SUITS EVENTING:  no brakes.
SUITS DRESSAGE:  no accelerator.
SUITS ANYONE:  except us, we hate him!