The Hardest Thing

The hardest thing to do is to let someone you love go.

I haven't had to deal with that a whole lot in my life, so having to put down a horse is just so devastating.

Grady has always been my best friend, the best horse a little girl could ask for and my first love.

This morning I got a text from my dad while I was in class saying there was an emergency and I needed to call him. Knowing my dad, it's really important if he calls it an emergency. I stepped out of class to talk to him and as soon as he spoke I knew something was wrong. Grady wasn't doing well and they had the vet out. My heart just broke right then. I gathered up my things from class and left, already crying (poor teacher, he looked kind of speechless when I told him I had to go).

It was the longest hour of my life trying to get home as quickly as possible. I was so worried that they'd put him down without me being there. That's something I've always worried about, especially when I'm traveling. When I got there the vet had sedated him - given him a ton of morphine and banamine. He colicked this morning and twisted his gut badly. He ended up getting his back feet stuck in the fencing when he rolled too close.

I'm so lucky to have such an amazing community. The neighbors called my parents when they saw him rolling then three other neighbors stopped to get him out of the fence. One person pulled the fence post out of the ground, another cut the wire away while my neighbor LC sent my brother to the barn to get a halter and calmed Grady. I'm so glad they all stopped to help.

The vet said there pretty much wasn't anything he could do. He had tubed Grady a couple hours before but there pretty much were no gut sounds still. He palpated him rectally but could hardly get his hand up very far because of the twist. Grady was feeling a little better when I got there from the morphine, he nickered and nuzzled my face when I got there. But he had a hard time standing, his muscles were shaking and he was obviously still uncomfortable.

Hardest decision of my life. I spent over an hour with him, just petting him and loving on him. It was a beautiful day out today, not a bad day to die I guess, all things considered. The vet finally came back an hour and a half later and I decided it was time to put him down. The longer I waited the harder it would get and I didn't want him to hurt any more.

He would have been 27 this year. I always thought he would live until he was 30 years old. It was something my trainer who helped me buy and retrain him always said: that he's the kind of horse that I'll be riding until he was 30. I had so many things I was looking forward to with him. He was just starting to shed out and I always get excited when that happens - he goes from fuzzy teddy bear to sleek stallion. I was going to have a professional photographer come take some pictures of us together this summer since I don't have too many of me and him together. My parents were planning on turning the old vineyard area into his new pasture and had just planted some orchardgrass. I always thought he'd be around when I finally got around to breeding Jetta, that he'd be the foal's buddy when it was time for weaning, that he'd help me start my next project horse this summer, he was always the best horse to use for ponying.

I'm just going to miss him so much. Even just today, walking down to the barn to get a saddle I expected to see him pop his head over the fence. He was my baby, my handsome old man.

My favorite pair of ears

Last time I saw him and he was so spunky!